Saturday, 29 August 2015

The worst thing to say to a parent of pregnancy loss

There is one thing I hear time and time again. Something that makes no sense to me at all. 

'At least you still have Lily!'

Really?! Like I'd have loved Lily less if Albie had been fine. 

Is that meant to make me feel better? Lily is my world and I love her more than anyone could ever imagine but I also feel that way about Albie. The love felt is the same. I wouldn't have loved Albie any less if he'd have been healthy. 

Don't get me wrong, I know people are just searching for a way to make me feel better. Nobody knows how to deal with baby loss whatever the circumstances. It's so hard to know what to say. Sometimes I don't know what to say myself, but this to me is by far the Worst!

Just think about it for a minute. Would you say to a bereaved mother of a 14 year old that 'at least you've got your other child'? 

Or a father who's just had a stillborn 'at least you've got your other child'? 

No you wouldn't, because it's like saying 'never mind least you've got another.'
And nobody would dream of saying that to parents who had lost a child in those circumstances, so why is it ok to say it to parents that have lost their child through pregnancy? 

Just because those parents were unable to meet their babies it doesn't mean they weren't a part of them. It doesn't mean they weren't as much a part of their heart and soul as any other children they may have. 

Sometimes saying nothing and just being there is more important than trying to say something to make that parent feel better.