Wednesday, 19 August 2015

The moaning of life


I'm a self confessed natural moaner! 

I moan at almost everything in day to day life. That I've got a headache, that it's raining, that things cost too much, that I'm too hot or too cold, that there's a towel left on the floor, that I have to cook 2 different dinners because somebody doesn't like it, or that the woman in the post office is rude. The list goes on and on. These things I have no trouble having a moan about. But when something happens that changes everything I try my damned hardest not to moan about it, because if I do a wave of guilt crashes over me. Why? Because I always tell myself there will always be someone worse off than me in the world. 

This has become obvious in the last few years. Well, I've always known, but it's not until something life changing happens that you realise it really is true. No matter what you're going through, no matter what happens there is someone out there somewhere that is going through worse. 
This is all because of a little girl who I don't even know the name of. Let me explain. 

Last year on 26th May 2014, my daughter Lily (among others) was involved in a collision involving a go kart travelling down hill in excess of 30mph. She was hit and knocked unconscios. She had suspected fatal head injuries and was air lifted to Kings College Hospital in London. As it turned out she was extremely lucky. Her head injury wasn't as bad as they had first thought, she had a deflated lung which was easily fixed and a cut lip that required stitches. But she had her life and I had my baby. But our time on peadiatrics intensive care was scary, and heartbreaking but not only because Lily was hurt, because there were so many other children literally fighting for their life. I will never ever forget one little girl on that ward. She must have been 8 or 9 maybe, she was in the bed opposite Lily and she had just undergone surgery for her second transplant! That little girl had every right to sit there and moan about how unfair it was, she had every right to scream and shout and I'm sure there were times that she did, but she was a ray of sunshine. She was polite and happy and cared deeply for the other children, strangers! She made jokes and laughed and every single day she would ask me how Lily was. She asked about the things she liked and the books she enjoyed reading. Always thought about everyone else. 

This brave, amazing little girl didn't moan so do I have the right to moan? 
The answer to that is yes! I do! I don't mean the day to day life I mean the big things. The things that you would wish away in an instant, the things that change you as a person. 

I've come to realise that it doesn't matter what's happened it's no more or less important than what's happened to someone else. That person is no more or less important than you. 
I'm not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself and I'm not going to to moan about my problems to everyone I see but just sometimes when I really need too I won't feel the guilt that I always have done. 

After all, life goes on.